Posts Tagged With: personal

So, Three friends are in a car…out pops two felonies and a snitch!

There’s really no way to sugar coat it so…by a show of hands, who else has been arrested for a felony drug warrant, on their birthday?  Aw, come on…no one??  Yeah, well I can’t say I am all that surprised.  I am usually in a class all my own – why stop with this?  Fun Fact: felony drug warrants have NO BOND which means you can’t bail out of jail until you see the Judge and he decides if you can get bond or you stay in jail until you have your trial/plea it out and it’s all over…so yeah, I knew I wouldn’t be spending my birthday at home – no chance in Hell.

The law is a funny beast, not funny ‘ha-ha’ either, but funny ‘oh you’re fucking kidding me’.  Funny, if you have a fucker friend in the car with you and they sell a second fucker friend of yours a few opiates…you…the driver, the ‘hey can you gimmie a ride?’ person, YOU are charged with the EXACT same felony distribution of an opiate as THEY are.

How, pray tell, did they (the fucking police) get wind of this?  So glad you asked…the second fucker ‘friend’ that bought them….he wore a nice fat WIRE on us.  Yes, he slid out of a charge of his own by wearing a wire…his name, you ask?  JOSH CADDELL from Leavenworth, Kansas…yes indeedy.

What kind of time can one get for such a charge?  Why, at the bad end of the slide, 33 months in prison.  Yes sir.  Four pills.  Prison.

This is my kind of hell, what I have been dealing with.  Art is the only thing keeping me half sane.  I would love some communication on this/about this/about anything BUT this, any and all of the above.  Just some human contact.

Much more on this, I just feel open and exposed now, which is ok.  It’s good, I need this.

Goodnight for now,


Categories: about me, felony drug charge, jail, leavenworth kansas, personal | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

30 Day Blog Challenge-Day 28

Something That You Miss

“Extra Money”

the all powerful dollar

While I believe the saying, “money doesn’t buy happiness”, it sure does help cut down on the UN-happiness!  When we didn’t have so many expenses (diabetes meds, extra family members (and I am NOT laying any blame-just stating where the extra money can go), having three teens at the same time (1 preteen & 2 teens) and two of those being BOYS…people say girls and their ‘girly needs’ are costly?! HA!  Boys: they buy REPTILES that cost insane amounts of cash, fishtanks (omg, the upkeep ion them!), they ruin jeans, shoes, bikes…they get stitches on every possible body part, just cleaning up after the dirt, mud, weird crud you can find in the washing machine after their laundry! Good Lord!

Sorry…anyway, we used to go shopping in Kansas City, like every weekend, we’d go to Worlds of Fun and get a hotel room for the night, eat out a few times a week…now, notsomuch.

I miss that.

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30 Day Blog Challenge-Day 25

Someone who fascinates you and why:

Kelly Rae Roberts, Artist-Author, etc.

Kelly Rae Roberts

Kelly’s Website

For whatever reason, Kelly Rae Robert’s art just sits so perfectly with all of my senses.  It makes me happy to look at, her book makes me happy, feel confident and validates all of my dreams and goals regarding art and becoming an artist.

Her book is one of the first ‘art journaling’ books I bought after finding out that the kind of art I made actually had a name and other people were doing it, too.  Using her book to help with actually art is just one small thing I used it for.  Time and time again I found that other ‘art journaling’ books were just that-just about “hey look at all of my art, look at all of the things I do!”  They were practically void of any helpful techniques, ‘how-to’ and were instead filled with photos of finished pieces.  Kelly took a whole different approach and showed each step of how she makes her artwork.  Close up shots of each and every little thing she does and what she uses…don’t get it twisted though-she takes a hard stand against copying her style for profit-her book is to guide you into creating your own personal style.

I use her book almost daily and one of my favorite things is after each section there are questions to help guide you to where you want & need to be and I still use those, also.  After a few months of creating my answers will change a little and it’s very helpful to see how far I’ve come and what changes/stays the same.

For all of those reasons, that’s why she is so fascinating to me, that she has made herself a success and shares with others-her giving nature, I guess is what I am drawn to.

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Blog Challenge-Day 22

How have you changed the past 2 years?

I had what I thought was a close friend turn on me in such a way that it shook my entire life. It was such a total betrayal in every sense of the word that even now, 9 months after I found out about it, I still get so hurt, angry and in a state of disbelief that I cry-and I never cry. You know those embarrassing tears, like when you are in a fight with someone and you are SO MAD that you cry? Those kind of tears.
So, where my husband and I have always differed; he firmly believing that 99% of everyone you know has the potential to hurt you-would turn on you if it benefits them and I always believed that deep down (most) everyone is good and would go out of their way to not cause you pain, we now are about on the same level. He trusts no one completely and says that being this way keeps you safe from being hurt and disappointed and after my experience I am inclined to agree with that.
I used to freely offer my trust and go (way way) out of my way to help friends, friends of friends, etc. but now I shelter myself and call no one a true friend. I have always told Frank that I felt bad for him, sad for him that he was constantly waiting for friends to take advantage and never letting anyone in far enough to relax; now I just see him as smart and prepared.
And yes, I feel bad for myself and wish I could go back to when I trusted people until they gave me reason not to-but after what happened to me I feel that the consequences can just be to great to risk that.

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30 Day Blog Challenge Day 19

Forgive me, getting so sick last week really screwed me up on posting like I should have.  I’m gonna catch up today so I apologize for all the posts  =)

grrrrr, just LOVE regrets!

Biggest Regret in Life

That would be that I did not try in school then I quit and when I got my GED and started jr college I had great intentions but I let losing my step dad be my excuse for quitting that.  I regret not getting the education that I wanted and I think I would have done very well if I gave the effort I am capable of.

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30 day blog challenge

Day 16 – Your Views on Mainstream Music

Yeecch.  In a nutshell, yeah.  I am odd – in many ways, but music is one of the biggies.  Oddly enough, my kids are the same as I am.  We listen to some of the new music, I am talking maybe 3 songs out of 6 months worth of ‘the latest top hits’ will get our attention enough for us not to turn the radio off should it come on.

I enjoy the old songs, and geesh I sound so old, but when the songs were about something.  This crap that passes for lyrics now, oh hell it turns my stomach, literally.  I enjoy Journey, Styx, Reo, Foreigner, Eagles, Meatloaf, even Queen.  Stevie Miller Band, Bad Company, some ac/dc, and just a few from bands like The Cars, & the Police, Sting.

So, today’s mainstream? Notsomuch.


Day 17_Your highs and Lows this past year.

The low was definitely my son being expelled for having a trace of marijuana in his pocket at school.  It’s been 11 months and we are still dealing with the fallout – which is larger than you can imagine.

Highs?  This has been a very hard year.  Nothing even stands out and yells ‘hey, remember that awesome day?’.  I guess if I had to choose, I have to go with the fact that Frank finally got a motorcycle again.  Yeah, that’s about as good as it got.


Day 18- A book you could read over and over & never get sick of

I will not be able to choose just one:

1. Midwives.  by: Chris Bohjalian.  I read this amazing book at least once a year.

can't put down, even though I've read it a hundred times

2.  Her Fearful Symmetry by: Audrey Niffenegger

awesome book!

3. Running With Scissors- by: Augusten Burroughs

I love his style, read everything he writes

Categories: 30 day blog challenge, about me, art, books, challenges, music | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

Calling All Amateur Dr. Phil’s/Oprah’s (no Springer’s, thanks)

When something weighs on my heart and just will not let up, I naturally turn to art or writing; more accurately, both.  If those things fail to bring relief I usually end up throwing some sort of unfocused temper tantrum at inappropriate times so this time I’m going to try a different approach.  I thought I’d do the writing part and at the same time work on my sharing issues and let it out here, so be nice wordpressers  = )

First, a short bit of background:

the players:

Frank-love o’ my life, husband.  J-Frank’s older sister, very close to him.  B- J’s very long-time husband, known for how close they are after so many years together.

J and B had one child who is now adult, out of the home.  They are, always have been, highly organized and driven; each of them working all of the over-time possible and even taking part-time jobs even though they each had actual careers.  They worked very hard and achieved the things they wanted most; a beautiful home, a custom Harley Davidson for B, the ability to buy vintage trucks and the things that enhanced their lives.

Even with their self-imposed work schedules a key part of their marriage has always been that what time they did plan to have off of work was used to the absolute fullest, always together.   Once all of the working and saving began to pay off they took trips to the places that they loved or that interested them.  I’d say they really began to hit that sweet spot about 6 or 7 years ago.

One thing about B, he is a LOT like my Frank, A LOT.  That’s a whole new post however, let’s just say that you either really love Frank and B or you just cannot stand them – BUT even those who hate must admit that they respect the hell out of them both.  Very hardworking men – MEN, that’s the other similarity; they consider themselves men in every sense of the meaning.  Respect your elders, work hard and honestly, loving husband and father and have a strong sense of pride in your appearance and abilities.

In their mid-fifties, J and B were about to retire comfortably and take those long-term trips planned for so long – spend the quality time together that they had earned with all of that extra work.

About 3 years ago we got the news that B had been diagnosed with prostate cancer and that it was already well dug in, advanced.  J was beside herself, my Frank was angry and filled with stubborn hope because, as he said, ‘he will be fine because no one like B deserves anything less than a miracle’.

For the first year we were happy to go right along with that, B was doing well and was still up and runnin, feisty, went on biking and a couple of mini-vacations with J.  Remission!  We were so thrilled.

Then last September he stopped by our house and hung out a bit, talking of his treatment and openly discussing the time limits the doctors had given his life (3 months).  He had begun to lose weight again but this time it was going faster and was much more noticeable.  And, yes, he was angry. Pissed OFF.  Been cheated.

Always the planners; details became even more important over those next 3 months as B went from a strong, muscular 57-year-old proud man to looking like a man in his 70’s and one that could almost fit into the clothes of our 10-year-old daughter.  J is a registered nurse and took a year off of work to care for him full-time.  It really just…swooped downhill from that time on.  The transformation of this big strong man not only took its toll on J, but my Frank seemed to be in a state of shock after each visit.

B's older brother, J and B. Early August 2011

So, August 31st, J called Frank at work and told him that hospice and the doctor were there and said that there were just hours left.  Hours.

Frank is a foreman for a commercial roofing company and was working an hour away not to mention the time it takes to dry in or tighten up a roof so that a crew can leave it for the night in such a way that even if it rains, the building will be waterproof.  He hauled ass as did his crew and sped into town.  Frank walked into our house, grabbed the keys to his personal truck and was about three feet from our front door when J called him, B had just passed.

All of this I tell you to show you the type of man B was; private and stubborn, set in his ways…and such a good man.  It was no shock to any of us that B had left J with strict wishes for no kind of funeral – nothing even resembling a funeral.  So, while all of us gathered at J and B’s that sunny afternoon, standing out in little groups in their yard and on the porch, J was inside with the hospice nurse giving B his final bath and changing him into the outfit she had made ready for him.  Frank left ‘his chair’, the spot that he’d occupied nearly nightly for months while he and B watched movies and talked details, during this private time and only during this time.

With the nurse gone and given instructions not to have the funeral home come for B for at least 2 hours, we all set about following what B had wanted.  Frank took his usual spot, kitty cornered three feet or so from the foot of B’s couch; the t.v. turned off and just the milky light from the 2 skylights we came in and paid our respects.  We sat and talked,visited and looked at photos up on the wall from just 5 months before when B looked like B.

This weekend J is having a get-together that will in no way walk, talk or sound like a funeral and so, thankfully she has this plan to…well, plan.  Details to tend to, arrangements to make.  Frank and I worry that after that, what?  Do you see what we are fretting over?  See, the lovely man he really was, he made sure that J would never have to worry about money, that everything was paid for, all accounts squared up.  Not only was she so used to being a bit of a workaholic there was the all-consuming job of being B’s full-time nurse as well; and that didn’t wind down slowly, but just stopped.

J has always been a romantic, really would have loved to have a funeral to honor B yet he did leave a lasting effect on her because she totally despises the cards and letters that come to her now, filled with “Sympathy in your time of loss” and words like “your dearly departed husband” etc.  All of the usual pre-determined socially acceptable behaviors will, in J’s case, probably get you socked in the eye.

I am going out for a visit tomorrow and I had several pieces that I had been juggling, wanting to give J something special from just myself but not knowing what was “ok”.  Then last night I literally sat down with no real idea what I was even doing and just ran through the “Rise Above” piece.  When Frank saw it the first thing he said was “that’s perfect, that’s the one.”

Rise Above on 10x10 stretched canvas

Really?  Yes, I like this piece very much and I actually feel it’s pretty appropriate for J, but you know how we are with that nagging doubt thing.  I suppose I wrote this post for 3 reasons:

  • to write all of these feelings out, as therapy.  (I do feel much lighter, even right this minute)
  • to get any opinions on the “Rise Above” piece for J
  • with J finding herself alone and no ‘to do’ list pressing, how can I help?  Would a visit from me and my art journaling travel kit sound like something I should try?  Art journaling has saved me and so many others…what do you think?

Thanks to anyone who stuck it out and read this far.  I would be so grateful for any thoughts on any of it, even if you have no opinions one way or the other.


Categories: personal, pictures | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

A Tweak Here n There

Rise Above on 10x10 stretched canvas

‘Rise Above’ I started this piece last night, you can see it and others I started last night under the new page for September 2011 art; under the ‘My Art’ parent tab. (read below)


Please take a little note and a look at the Pages menu as I’ve made a couple of changes and additions.  Under the About tab it will drop down to a new nesting page “Personal Photos” where I’ve added some of my favorite shots of my family doing the things that make me adore them.

Under the tab “My Art” I have added a ‘September ’11 Art’ page just for the pieces that I am working on/finished this month.  I will continue to nest monthly pages this way so I can better track what I’m doing, and to have a nice, neat place to keep them.

Thank you – I welcome any comments on anything, especially opinions on the artwork…I am trying to improve and really need all the feedback I can gather!


new pages:

Personal Photos

September Art


Categories: acrylic painting, art, collage, missy's art girrls, mixed media, new pages, personal, pictures | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

30 Day Blog Challenge (plus all 30 questions)

30 day challenge

Day 8: A moment you felt most satisfied with your life:

Hmmm, Things have been so rough & such a struggle that this one might have to wait to be answered.  If I had to be put on the spot right this minute, I’d say 1994-1998.  Frank and I were relaxed, happy, comfortable…went a lot of places and had so much fun.  I really miss that.


Day 9: If you could have any job in the world what would it be?

Easy peasy.  I would be a freelance artist specializing in mixed media.  I would publish books and a magazine to get art journaling out to as many artists and artists who are afraid to try.



Categories: 30 day blog challenge, about me, art, art journal, challenges, personal, postaday 2011, questions and answers, the daily post | Tags: , , | 2 Comments

30 Day Blog Challenge – Day 7

Your Favorite Childhood Toys


As a child, I spent most of my days and nights with my grandparents (both sides) because my parents were still kids and – well I had to.  My grandpas became very, very important to me – more like dads.  One Christmas, right before my dad took off for good and went to start a new family, I was given a very special gift that I adored and I loved it not just for what it was, but because my grampas and my dad sat down on the floor and assembled it together.  I was in heaven.  It was a Barbie Dream House, the monster 3-piece deal and it took some time to get it together.  I will always remember that night and how I had them to myself.

Barbie Dream House (1980ish)

I also had a Radio Flyer Red Wagon with the removable sides and that stayed at gramma and grampa Cooley’s house.  When I started getting younger cousins I would pack them in and drag them up and down the street in front of their house.

Red Radio Flyer Wagon

The last one that I really remember and loved dearly was my Evil Knievel Big Wheel.  I was a total tom-boy  = )

Evil Knievel toy

Categories: 30 day blog challenge, about me, challenges, personal, postaday 2011, questions and answers, the daily post | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

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