So, Three friends are in a car…out pops two felonies and a snitch!

There’s really no way to sugar coat it so…by a show of hands, who else has been arrested for a felony drug warrant, on their birthday?  Aw, come on…no one??  Yeah, well I can’t say I am all that surprised.  I am usually in a class all my own – why stop with this?  Fun Fact: felony drug warrants have NO BOND which means you can’t bail out of jail until you see the Judge and he decides if you can get bond or you stay in jail until you have your trial/plea it out and it’s all over…so yeah, I knew I wouldn’t be spending my birthday at home – no chance in Hell.

The law is a funny beast, not funny ‘ha-ha’ either, but funny ‘oh you’re fucking kidding me’.  Funny, if you have a fucker friend in the car with you and they sell a second fucker friend of yours a few opiates…you…the driver, the ‘hey can you gimmie a ride?’ person, YOU are charged with the EXACT same felony distribution of an opiate as THEY are.

How, pray tell, did they (the fucking police) get wind of this?  So glad you asked…the second fucker ‘friend’ that bought them….he wore a nice fat WIRE on us.  Yes, he slid out of a charge of his own by wearing a wire…his name, you ask?  JOSH CADDELL from Leavenworth, Kansas…yes indeedy.

What kind of time can one get for such a charge?  Why, at the bad end of the slide, 33 months in prison.  Yes sir.  Four pills.  Prison.

This is my kind of hell, what I have been dealing with.  Art is the only thing keeping me half sane.  I would love some communication on this/about this/about anything BUT this, any and all of the above.  Just some human contact.

Much more on this, I just feel open and exposed now, which is ok.  It’s good, I need this.

Goodnight for now,


Categories: about me, felony drug charge, jail, leavenworth kansas, personal | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

30 Day Blog Challenge-Day 29


Kelly Rae Roberts

1.  KELLY RAE ROBERTS; artist, author.  Fantastically gifted artist and inspiring author.  You can see from her writing that she is also incredibly giving.  I would love to have a conversation with her about art and what’s possible!

Jane Davenport

2.  Jane Davenport; Author, Artist.   For one thing, it would be a dream come true to have several artists that I admire at the same table!  Jane has a great style, her paintings are beautiful-fantastic! and she teaches! (like Kelly Rae Roberts, she doesn’t ‘sit on her secrets’) but she step by step shows you how to do what she does, in your own style.  She seems like a lovely person and one that would be awesome to listen to!

Alice Sebold. Author.

3. Alice Sebold, Author.  Alice Sebold is a fantastic author and it would be amazing to listen to her and ask her questions.  She is feisty, sarcastic, at times: angry and just intriguing.

absolutely heartbreaking and awesome

Fantastic book.

Augusten Burroughs

4.  Augusten Burroughs; Author.  His story is crazy and hilarious, sad and unbelievable!  His writing is the same.  To have Alice Sebold and Augusten at my dinner table, it may be too much!

Augusten Burroughs

Augusten Burroughs

Augusten Burroughs

5. Virginia Woolf, Author.

Virginia Woolf

It’s Virginia Woolf…nuff said!

6.  Jim Parsons/ Dr. Sheldon Cooper:  (The Big Bang Theory)  To provide some more humor and he’s just a fascinating person to boot!

Jim Parsons

"Dr. Sheldon Cooper"

7.  My husband, Frank-so that I could make his dream come true by letting him have dinner with the next guest on the list.

My Honey. Frank (at work on the roof)

8.  Bruce Lee:  He was super intelligent, spiritual, talented and so far ahead of his time…and it would be awesome for me to see Frank get to meet and speak to him.

Bruce Lee

9.  My Daughter, Megan: She is my best friend & we laugh like nobody’s business; and so I could make a dream come true for her by inviting the next guest on the list.


10.  Mischa Collins (Castiel from Supernatural): Above all he is intelligent, funny, mysterious, odd, unique and my daughter absolutely loves him.  It would be so great for me to see her face meeting him and to know I arranged it would be a great gift.

Mischa Collins (Supernatural gag reel)


The Menu

First...Baked Potato Soup. Yummm


Main course: A medium rare T-Bone grill seared steak and...

Baked Mac and Cheese.


For dessert ...Key Lime Pie.


Great!  Now I am hungry for a big fat dinner at 9 a.m.

Categories: 30 day blog challenge, about me, big bang theory, opinion, personal, questions and answers | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

30 Day Blog Challenge- Day 26

If you had 1,000,000 to spend, how would you spend it?

1. Buy an old Victorian and remodel it.

2.  Build a cottage on my property and FILL IT with every art supply I have ever wanted and make it my art studio.

3.  Take my kids/grandkids on a vacation and then a ‘buy whatever you want’ shopping trip.

4.  Buy Frank whatever he wanted for all of the years he’s worked so hard to support all of us.

5.  Buy my Grandma Cooley a little house, somewhere near a pond and a beautiful view.  Put enough money in her bank account so that she never has to work again.

6.  Go on a selfish shopping trip and get the most expensive Mac computer they make, a Kia Sorento (odd choice, huh? I LOVE them!), hit every flea market in a 3 state area and furnish my house.

7. Open up my own bookstore/coffee house and give my daughter, Megan half of the business & we would run it together.  Take Megan on a trip to England to celebrate.

8. Send Savannah to dance class, acting class and take her to Italy (her dream trip).

9. Get Tyler and Franklin each a vehicle they want, take Tyler on a trip to New York.  Send Frank and Franklin on a hunting trip to Canada.

10. Take Frank on a honeymoon we never had to the Bahamas.

11. Build Ayden (grandson) an addition to the house I’d get for Meg & kids-his very own game room; fill it with a huge flat screen hooked up to all of the latest consoles, buy all of the games he would want, go to a specialty costume shop and get him all of the super hero costumes that he loves, Theme the whole room in Spiderman.

12. Decorate Raya’s room with all of the things that she loves (she’s almost 2) and make her room sound proof and get Meg a video monitoring system to watch her-Raya hates noise and she loves her naps!  I would have a closet special made for her height, filled with every kind of shoe possible…the child ADORES shoes!

13.  Several family members; including but not limited to: my little sister and her family (my niece) and my Dad I would send on a vacation to somewhere of their choice and give them a financial gift.

I’m sure there’s more, but that’s a start!

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30 Day Blog Challenge-Day 25

Someone who fascinates you and why:

Kelly Rae Roberts, Artist-Author, etc.

Kelly Rae Roberts

Kelly’s Website

For whatever reason, Kelly Rae Robert’s art just sits so perfectly with all of my senses.  It makes me happy to look at, her book makes me happy, feel confident and validates all of my dreams and goals regarding art and becoming an artist.

Her book is one of the first ‘art journaling’ books I bought after finding out that the kind of art I made actually had a name and other people were doing it, too.  Using her book to help with actually art is just one small thing I used it for.  Time and time again I found that other ‘art journaling’ books were just that-just about “hey look at all of my art, look at all of the things I do!”  They were practically void of any helpful techniques, ‘how-to’ and were instead filled with photos of finished pieces.  Kelly took a whole different approach and showed each step of how she makes her artwork.  Close up shots of each and every little thing she does and what she uses…don’t get it twisted though-she takes a hard stand against copying her style for profit-her book is to guide you into creating your own personal style.

I use her book almost daily and one of my favorite things is after each section there are questions to help guide you to where you want & need to be and I still use those, also.  After a few months of creating my answers will change a little and it’s very helpful to see how far I’ve come and what changes/stays the same.

For all of those reasons, that’s why she is so fascinating to me, that she has made herself a success and shares with others-her giving nature, I guess is what I am drawn to.

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30 Day Blog Challenge- Day 23

Post 5 famous people you find attractive

Jensen Ackles from Supernatural

Gerard Butler

Brad Pitt (only in the Fight Club and Ocean's Movies, though)

Hugh Laurie

TJ Thyne from Bones (something about him!)

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30 Day Blog Challenge Day 19

Forgive me, getting so sick last week really screwed me up on posting like I should have.  I’m gonna catch up today so I apologize for all the posts  =)

grrrrr, just LOVE regrets!

Biggest Regret in Life

That would be that I did not try in school then I quit and when I got my GED and started jr college I had great intentions but I let losing my step dad be my excuse for quitting that.  I regret not getting the education that I wanted and I think I would have done very well if I gave the effort I am capable of.

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Still Alive/30 day blog challenge

I believe in my weakened state from the pancake murder attempt the flu bug was able to gang up on me and attack.  Lots of gross-ness and all that followed more gross-ness but today I finally feel almost human again.

I am so glad that fall is here, if not specifically by the date (not sure), the weather makes me feel like it is.  I have always loved this time of year in Leavenworth.  I was born in this town and I really do not like this town (there are two things to do here-park or go to a bar. There is literally a bar, parking lot or liquor store on every block in this town.  However, in the fall it really is a beautiful place.  It’s called ‘The city of trees’ and that’s due to the fact that we, unlike so many other towns, have not just kept our huge, old trees but we plant more all the time.  The main street, Broadway, runs from the very North part of town almost to the South point and it is lined with large, lovely and colorful trees.  IN the summertime the green is so vivid – it really is beautiful, but this time of year when they begin to change you can drive from one end of Broadway to the other and itk’s breathtaking all of the different colors and the trees so large that you feel you are driving in a covered tunnel, you can barely make out the sky above you.  The leaves are getting fire orange, red, bright bright yellow and my favorite are these huge leaves-must be six inches across and they cannot decide what color to be.  Vivid green mixed with firey reds and yellows – like a calico leaf.

Naturally all of this comes at school time once again.  Savannah, 6th grade and Franklin in his 2nd year at the High School in 10th grade and then Tyler is working at home online until he can return to normal public school in November.  He was expelled for a year shortly after school started last year for having a tiny bit of marijuana in his pocket.  Yes I wanted to throttle him (still do) but there was absolutely NO path/provision/plan for this child once they expelled him.  No BS, if you called the board of education after something like this happens, this is what you will get…”I’m so sorry but since he was expelled from this district there is absolutely nothing we can do.  We actually can’t even answer any questions or help because we aren’t allowed to.”

I’m sorry, WHAT?  So, a 14 year old kid can’t go to school (yes, his own fault. yes, he’s a big ol moron and deserves to be punished but…) and you can’t tell me what to do with him for the next year?

Oh, it gets better.  Not only is there no where for him to go, no one that can talk to me but since there is nothing available – we are now going to take you to court and threaten to take him from you because he is…TRUANT!!!   Oh, come on that is just darling.  No, I am not being dramatic.  I am rambling, though.  Sooo, let’s move on.

Autumn…ah yes.  I am working on some mixed media on wood and canvas with the colors inspired by all of those trees lining Broadway street.  I am having a difficult time keeping my art light or happy, the stress of everything keeps creeping into everything I do-and that annoys the shit out of me.  I want…I need to de-stress and just don’t know how.  I’d love to get on a plane and go to a beautiful Colorado Spa for a week or so.  Too bad I am poor, lol.  Not funny.

Now, in an attempt to think of other things I will  get through some of my 30 Day Blog Challenge questions:

Day 12; Bullet Your Whole Day

-I am going to make an executive decision here and skip this one altogether.  Laying on the couch and puking is just not a ‘bullet you day’ type list I want to make.  = (

Day 13;  Somewhere You’d Like To Move Or Visit

Since I was little and heard that my relatives were originally from Ireland I developed a curiosity about the country and people that just gets stronger every year.  The land itself is fantastically beautiful and unfortunately, the government is very stingy and over protective like a rabid first time mother.  Unless you can show that your immediate family was born there you may as well kiss any chance of getting in goodbye.

Same goes for my number two, England.  Someone living there posted on her blog that “unless you have a literal boatload of money you have practically zero chance of getting in and being allowed to stay.”  That’s always lovely to hear since the odds of that happening are quite slim (although I am aiming for the boatload of money to materialize in the future) so my chances of ever living where I would be happy every morning just to wake up and be in that country; are slimmer.

Day 14; Your Earliest Memory

I can, very clearly, remember being at my gramma and grampa Cooley’s house and being sick from one thing or the other, laying on the couch with what must have been 87 blankets and quilts; I can even see the bowl gramma had there for me in case I couldn’t get to the bathroom.  From the other people in the room I deduce that I was no more than 4 at the time.

Whenever I think of the words “comfort” or “cozy” I associate them with that house, gramma and grampa being in the same spots, always and being cared for like no one else ever was.

Gramma is an expert in the art of  loving and feeding little ones (and even the bigger ones) back to health.

Day 15; Write 15 Interesting Facts About Yourself

hmmm, ok I will try for 15…

  1. I am an artist – something that would have shocked the younger me.
  2. I have always wanted to write novels.  Realistic Fiction.
  3. I actually enjoy research.
  4. I screwed up so badly in school, when I had the opportunities that I was not smart enough to see, and I regret that every day.  I actually miss homework and would love to go back to school and do it right.
  5. I am lonely – even in (especially) a room filled with people.
  6. I have a list of anxieties as long as my arm.
  7. I am obsessive about and collect pens and markers.
  8. There are certain types of paper that I absolutely cannot touch or I will get goosebumps and shivers.  My 11 year old daughter has this exact same ‘thing’.
  9. As with the paper thing, my daughter and I also cannot touch certain types of plates and cups, like this ‘dry’ sort of ceramics…I don’t know what it is but we will avoid it like the plague.  Ditto for Styrofoam.
  10. I usually wake up 4 or 5 times during the night.
  11. I absolutely love night time thunderstorms, the louder the better.  The more lightening and thunder, the better I sleep.  Stormy nights are the only nights that I actually sleep through the night.
  12. My dad wasn’t around very long when I was a child but even though he worked two jobs, he was the one who got up with me at night (and like now, I hardly slept at night) and he would calm me by dancing to Elton John and AC/DC.
  13. By the records in my baby book I had been to/in/through 32 states by the time I was 3 years old.
  14. I hate to be photographed but I love to take pictures.
  15. I love movies and my oldest child (meg, 19) and I share the same taste in movies and t.v. shows.  We drive everyone else nuts by having entire conversations made up of nothing but quotes.
Okey dokey, that’s it for now  =)      I think I am going to live so I hope to be back to daily posting.

Smile, Sheldon

Categories: 30 day blog challenge, about me, big bang theory, funny, gif, personal, the daily post | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

Calling All Amateur Dr. Phil’s/Oprah’s (no Springer’s, thanks)

When something weighs on my heart and just will not let up, I naturally turn to art or writing; more accurately, both.  If those things fail to bring relief I usually end up throwing some sort of unfocused temper tantrum at inappropriate times so this time I’m going to try a different approach.  I thought I’d do the writing part and at the same time work on my sharing issues and let it out here, so be nice wordpressers  = )

First, a short bit of background:

the players:

Frank-love o’ my life, husband.  J-Frank’s older sister, very close to him.  B- J’s very long-time husband, known for how close they are after so many years together.

J and B had one child who is now adult, out of the home.  They are, always have been, highly organized and driven; each of them working all of the over-time possible and even taking part-time jobs even though they each had actual careers.  They worked very hard and achieved the things they wanted most; a beautiful home, a custom Harley Davidson for B, the ability to buy vintage trucks and the things that enhanced their lives.

Even with their self-imposed work schedules a key part of their marriage has always been that what time they did plan to have off of work was used to the absolute fullest, always together.   Once all of the working and saving began to pay off they took trips to the places that they loved or that interested them.  I’d say they really began to hit that sweet spot about 6 or 7 years ago.

One thing about B, he is a LOT like my Frank, A LOT.  That’s a whole new post however, let’s just say that you either really love Frank and B or you just cannot stand them – BUT even those who hate must admit that they respect the hell out of them both.  Very hardworking men – MEN, that’s the other similarity; they consider themselves men in every sense of the meaning.  Respect your elders, work hard and honestly, loving husband and father and have a strong sense of pride in your appearance and abilities.

In their mid-fifties, J and B were about to retire comfortably and take those long-term trips planned for so long – spend the quality time together that they had earned with all of that extra work.

About 3 years ago we got the news that B had been diagnosed with prostate cancer and that it was already well dug in, advanced.  J was beside herself, my Frank was angry and filled with stubborn hope because, as he said, ‘he will be fine because no one like B deserves anything less than a miracle’.

For the first year we were happy to go right along with that, B was doing well and was still up and runnin, feisty, went on biking and a couple of mini-vacations with J.  Remission!  We were so thrilled.

Then last September he stopped by our house and hung out a bit, talking of his treatment and openly discussing the time limits the doctors had given his life (3 months).  He had begun to lose weight again but this time it was going faster and was much more noticeable.  And, yes, he was angry. Pissed OFF.  Been cheated.

Always the planners; details became even more important over those next 3 months as B went from a strong, muscular 57-year-old proud man to looking like a man in his 70’s and one that could almost fit into the clothes of our 10-year-old daughter.  J is a registered nurse and took a year off of work to care for him full-time.  It really just…swooped downhill from that time on.  The transformation of this big strong man not only took its toll on J, but my Frank seemed to be in a state of shock after each visit.

B's older brother, J and B. Early August 2011

So, August 31st, J called Frank at work and told him that hospice and the doctor were there and said that there were just hours left.  Hours.

Frank is a foreman for a commercial roofing company and was working an hour away not to mention the time it takes to dry in or tighten up a roof so that a crew can leave it for the night in such a way that even if it rains, the building will be waterproof.  He hauled ass as did his crew and sped into town.  Frank walked into our house, grabbed the keys to his personal truck and was about three feet from our front door when J called him, B had just passed.

All of this I tell you to show you the type of man B was; private and stubborn, set in his ways…and such a good man.  It was no shock to any of us that B had left J with strict wishes for no kind of funeral – nothing even resembling a funeral.  So, while all of us gathered at J and B’s that sunny afternoon, standing out in little groups in their yard and on the porch, J was inside with the hospice nurse giving B his final bath and changing him into the outfit she had made ready for him.  Frank left ‘his chair’, the spot that he’d occupied nearly nightly for months while he and B watched movies and talked details, during this private time and only during this time.

With the nurse gone and given instructions not to have the funeral home come for B for at least 2 hours, we all set about following what B had wanted.  Frank took his usual spot, kitty cornered three feet or so from the foot of B’s couch; the t.v. turned off and just the milky light from the 2 skylights we came in and paid our respects.  We sat and talked,visited and looked at photos up on the wall from just 5 months before when B looked like B.

This weekend J is having a get-together that will in no way walk, talk or sound like a funeral and so, thankfully she has this plan to…well, plan.  Details to tend to, arrangements to make.  Frank and I worry that after that, what?  Do you see what we are fretting over?  See, the lovely man he really was, he made sure that J would never have to worry about money, that everything was paid for, all accounts squared up.  Not only was she so used to being a bit of a workaholic there was the all-consuming job of being B’s full-time nurse as well; and that didn’t wind down slowly, but just stopped.

J has always been a romantic, really would have loved to have a funeral to honor B yet he did leave a lasting effect on her because she totally despises the cards and letters that come to her now, filled with “Sympathy in your time of loss” and words like “your dearly departed husband” etc.  All of the usual pre-determined socially acceptable behaviors will, in J’s case, probably get you socked in the eye.

I am going out for a visit tomorrow and I had several pieces that I had been juggling, wanting to give J something special from just myself but not knowing what was “ok”.  Then last night I literally sat down with no real idea what I was even doing and just ran through the “Rise Above” piece.  When Frank saw it the first thing he said was “that’s perfect, that’s the one.”

Rise Above on 10x10 stretched canvas

Really?  Yes, I like this piece very much and I actually feel it’s pretty appropriate for J, but you know how we are with that nagging doubt thing.  I suppose I wrote this post for 3 reasons:

  • to write all of these feelings out, as therapy.  (I do feel much lighter, even right this minute)
  • to get any opinions on the “Rise Above” piece for J
  • with J finding herself alone and no ‘to do’ list pressing, how can I help?  Would a visit from me and my art journaling travel kit sound like something I should try?  Art journaling has saved me and so many others…what do you think?

Thanks to anyone who stuck it out and read this far.  I would be so grateful for any thoughts on any of it, even if you have no opinions one way or the other.


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A Tweak Here n There

Rise Above on 10x10 stretched canvas

‘Rise Above’ I started this piece last night, you can see it and others I started last night under the new page for September 2011 art; under the ‘My Art’ parent tab. (read below)


Please take a little note and a look at the Pages menu as I’ve made a couple of changes and additions.  Under the About tab it will drop down to a new nesting page “Personal Photos” where I’ve added some of my favorite shots of my family doing the things that make me adore them.

Under the tab “My Art” I have added a ‘September ’11 Art’ page just for the pieces that I am working on/finished this month.  I will continue to nest monthly pages this way so I can better track what I’m doing, and to have a nice, neat place to keep them.

Thank you – I welcome any comments on anything, especially opinions on the artwork…I am trying to improve and really need all the feedback I can gather!


new pages:

Personal Photos

September Art


Categories: acrylic painting, art, collage, missy's art girrls, mixed media, new pages, personal, pictures | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

30 Day Blog Challenge -still catching up-Day 10

Day 10-Your Guilty Pleasure (or pleasures)


First off, why must we feel guilty about pleasure?  America is so bold and free, open to the ‘New’ and on the cutting edge of everything, yet when we stop all of the work for a moment to do any activity just for the sheer delight of it we feel terribly guilty.

“I should be doing the laundry.  I should be mopping the floors.  I should be doing something constructive…etc.”

Even though I am intent on becoming an artist on a level that would provide income, I feel bad when I sit down and start drawing or painting – because I love it so much!

In so many other cultures (Italy comes to mind) pleasure is not just okay to pursue, it is encouraged.  I’ve never been, but I would guess that an Italian who worked like Americans do (monday-saturday) and did not stop to relish the rewards he has earned would be looked on as a madman.

And who can mention pleasure and a little decadence without thinking of lovely Marie Antoinette?  I think she got a bit of a raw deal…imagine becoming a Teen Queen and not going a little crazy with the dress, shoes, hair…chocolate budgets?

With that…on with my guilt-free pleasures!

1. Drawing, painting, collaging (is that a word?), art of any kind. LOVE it all!!

2. Reading! Oh…I’ve always adored books.  I see them as beautiful, love the smell of a library – Barnes and Noble , well I get lost for hours.  No one in my family will even get in the car if there’s a chance that we will end up there.

3. Same as with bookstores, the big art supply stores, the little mom & pop shops; love them all!  I browse and hem & haw, add things to the cart only to swap it out for something else later.  I go up and down aisles three and four times over.

4. Fresh fruit grape popsicles.  I eat the entire box by myself, in one day.

5. Thrift stores.  There’s a Spanish section of downtown Kansas City, Kansas about 35 minutes from my house and they have two of the best thrift stores in the world!  I’ve tried to go to the ‘upper-class’ thrift stores and – well they believe their crap is made of perfumed gold.  They charge about 50 cents less than retail and do so with a straight face.  No thanks!

I love a big semi-disorganized second hand shop.  This one in particular has name brand clothes, you know from those snooty shops that choke you to death with cologne as soon as you walk past the door?  Yeah, we all know what even a pair of underwear can run you in that place.

6. Energy drinks, well not drinks but the little energy shots.  5 hour power and the like.  I love them!  They actually do work pretty well and many a day they’ve kept me from zonking out mid-afternoon.

Categories: 30 day blog challenge, about me, art, personal, pictures, the daily post | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

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