Blog Challenge-Day 22

How have you changed the past 2 years?

I had what I thought was a close friend turn on me in such a way that it shook my entire life. It was such a total betrayal in every sense of the word that even now, 9 months after I found out about it, I still get so hurt, angry and in a state of disbelief that I cry-and I never cry. You know those embarrassing tears, like when you are in a fight with someone and you are SO MAD that you cry? Those kind of tears.
So, where my husband and I have always differed; he firmly believing that 99% of everyone you know has the potential to hurt you-would turn on you if it benefits them and I always believed that deep down (most) everyone is good and would go out of their way to not cause you pain, we now are about on the same level. He trusts no one completely and says that being this way keeps you safe from being hurt and disappointed and after my experience I am inclined to agree with that.
I used to freely offer my trust and go (way way) out of my way to help friends, friends of friends, etc. but now I shelter myself and call no one a true friend. I have always told Frank that I felt bad for him, sad for him that he was constantly waiting for friends to take advantage and never letting anyone in far enough to relax; now I just see him as smart and prepared.
And yes, I feel bad for myself and wish I could go back to when I trusted people until they gave me reason not to-but after what happened to me I feel that the consequences can just be to great to risk that.

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Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “Blog Challenge-Day 22

  1. I’m so sorry that this happened. That you were hurt like this, and that you don’t want to trust and give yourself to people for fear of being hurt again.

    • Thank you, I must have made it sound horrible- me actually-when I think of it, talk about it I get tunnel vision and the mix of hurt and anger kicks in. I am working on my trust issues because I do not WANT to live like this. I believe in forgiveness and trust, empathy and I know there are three people that I wish I could forgive. I am not cold-hearted nor do I think of myself as stupid, so I realize that I am poisoning my own life/relationships by withholding forgiveness. Then rationalization kicks in and you say to yourself; “Self, the things they did! Their arrogance at never apologizing!”etc… Oh, I’m sorry I am seriously going off on a tangent.
      Point is: I didn’t mean to sound like I am a people hater now and spit at attempts of friendship, I rambled and what I was feeling was that I just wish people, parents, friends would be kind and careful with the hearts of those who are kind and careful with theirs. I hope this sounds right and not like I am a revenge thirsty nutjob! Thank you for your comment.

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